Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
