you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
