sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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