am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Please don't give away my fajitas
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
