If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
