The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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