Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize