1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
