mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
