At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
