I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
