he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
