pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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