Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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