I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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