If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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