Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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