i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
