oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize