she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
