just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You took a bar mat shot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
