i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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