i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
