you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
