I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
