Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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