So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize