New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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