Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
