Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Acid is not a monday night drug
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
