Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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