Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
