I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize