You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
