One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your penis caused this!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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