I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize