I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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