This is not my ceiling
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
