the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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