she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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