Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
