I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
