I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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