mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
