i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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