I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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