I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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