508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
