right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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