YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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