i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize