I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
