apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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