Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
