Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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