P.S. I can't hear my feet
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
