STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
