Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
