Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
