Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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