woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize