It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
