dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
