Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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