Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize