id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
