Only a mothe r could love this liver
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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