Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
