I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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