You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its not stalking. its research.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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