is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
