apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
